i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
