Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
