i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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