Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize