respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
