he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize