he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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