I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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