Nicole vs. Life
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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