I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
