I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just puked most of my soul out..
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