You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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