You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
