there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
