Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
