please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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