Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
