I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
