GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
