WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
