I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
