I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
