he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
