It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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