i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
