so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I think people are normalizing furries
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
