you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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