I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
