you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
