I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
