sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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