I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
