when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
