I murdered the dance floor call the cops
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
