I think i peed on brittanys purse
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
