It was confusing and full of hummus
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize