Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
