you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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