Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
They took my balls.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
