i was rollin on her like bob the builder
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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