Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
