I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
