So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
