ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
