i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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