I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
