office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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