We won't sleep together?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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