Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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