New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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