I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
