I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Fuck appropriateness.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
