Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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