Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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