seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize