No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
