my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
