Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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