Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
