Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
