I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
