i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
